Friends
Posted at 18:01 in Personal
I apologise in advance for the depressing blog post but I just have so much that I want to get down to try and understand how I’m feeling at the moment.
I’ve felt myself getting really down lately and I know it’s mostly because I just feel so crap at the moment. My health is really bad, I’ve had a cold for over a month that just won’t shift and has left with with ear infections in both ears and now a sinus infection. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow as I was never reviewed last year when I was suffering with the same problem. To top it all off, my periods are still as bad as they were before I had my operation in November. Last month I wondered if maybe they would settle down but this month is just as bad – still extremely painful and still extremely heavy, to the extent where I am still leaking every couple of hours (apologies to any dudes reading).
And I’m so fed up with it all, I just want to sit and cry. I try and take care of my health yet it feels like my body is failing me and that is such an awful feeling.
As I was sat this afternoon having a bit of a cry, all I wanted to do was call a friend to meet up for a coffee and a good chat. Then it hit me – I don’t really have any friends that I can do that with. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of friends but they all live so far away that I can’t just call them up and say “I’m feeling down – want to come out for a drink and a girly chat?”
Something I never really went into detail about but I lost my best friends last year. I’m not going to go into details about how and why, but even though it’s coming up for a year later, it still hurts me so much. I loved them like they were my sisters and I believed they felt the same way. It’s been said that for women, losing a best friend can be like losing a partner and can be as painful as going through a divorce – let me tell you, that is so true. Even now just thinking about it, I can’t stop the tears from falling and I sit and wonder how much longer will it be before the sadness goes away?
It’s really knocked my self confidence a lot because I can’t help feeling rejected – like I wasn’t a good enough person to be friends with. I’ve always had a problem with my self worth and tend to base how I feel on what people think of me. I wish I could be one of those people that think “I don’t give a fuck what people think of me” but I just can’t be like that. I do care what people think of me. I do want people to like me and to think that anyone could think bad or nasty thoughts about me just crucifies me.
How the hell do I even begin to overcome this?
I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling down at the moment, I think anyone would
With being I’ll for that long!! I would really recommend reading The Secret. Although I found parts of it a bit mumbo jumboish I found a lot of it was just common sense on how to think positively and being confident. Common sense that I think a lot of people forget about and for me it certainly was a “oh yes of course” moment reading it.
You’re an inspiration to many and that is such an amazing feeling, hold on to that feeling. Wish you a very speedy recovery!!! (sorry for typos, on the old iPhone :))
Thank you so much Penny. I recall some people extolling the virtues of The Secret some years ago but I never looked into it. However, because you and a few others have mentioned it, I read about it and have the book on my wish list to order when I get paid. Thanks so much for the recommendation.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness <3
xo
You have a sister who lives just over an hour away don’t forget….you can always come stay with me for the weekend! I’m only at the end of the phone gellar…..don’t sit and get down about those “friends” as they don’t deserve your time and especially not your tears!!
Love you lots like jelly tots
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ha, that’s what i always say too Jelly Tots xx
It’ such a cute term of endearment – I love it :D xx
My beautiful sis – I love you so much and I am so grateful for your lovely message. I really do need to make more of an effort see spend more time with you and I promise I will be up to see you for a weekend very soon.
Love you lots like jelly tots too
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You have a sister who lives just over an hour away don’t forget….you can always come stay with me for the weekend!
I’m only at the end of the phone gellar…..don’t sit and get down about those “friends” as they don’t deserve your time and especially not your tears!!
Love you lots like jelly tots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I really feel for you, being poorly – especially when it drags – really, really gets you down.
And good for you for writing this down. There seems to be a tendancy of writing only “happy happy joy” posts on the internet so it is nice to read that someone has feelings. And I can so relate. I have friends too, but no friends local to me or even within a 30 minute drive. I lost friends too, my BFF died almost 10 years ago and a close friend I made here “quit” on the friendship. It’s hard and I agree, the loss of a friend is just as bad as the loss of a partner.
I hope you feel better soon. Being fit and kicking makes all the difference.
Thank you Mel. You’re so right – I do try and keep the blog upbeat and happy but then that wouldn’t be a true representation of me, which is what this blog is supposed to be. I’m so sorry to read about your friend, my friend died 18 months ago and I still miss her every day.
Thank you so much
xo
I think it is such a hard thing, to make friends once you are adults. I do not keep in touch with many school friends, but I do see uni friends and work colleagues (who became friends) – but a lot of my uni friends do not live nearby. I felt very nervous the first time I asked work people over to my house, as I was so worried about being rejected and then having to face them at work- I did not know if they viewed me as friend or a colleague. But in the end I took the plunge and decided what is the worst that could happen? So do you have people like this,colleagues or people at the gym who might want to go for a coffee after a workout or after work or something? Or parents of your boy? Do you see parents at the school? It is really hard though.
Hope you feel better soon, being ill can really get you down but hopefully you will get it sorted soon.
xx
You know Maria, it *is* hard to make friends as an adult. At school, I was surrounded by friends every day and I am forever saying to my son not to wish away his school days as he will miss them so much once they’re gone and it’s right! I remember my mum saying the same to me as a teen.
Unfortunately, I work in a very small GP practice – me, my mum and 2 older colleagues. My best friend used to work with me but she moved away 18 months ago to Tenerife :( As I’ve joined a new gym (though I’ve not been yet!) I don’t know anyone but I hope to make some friends when I eventually get there.
My son is almost 14 so is responsible for getting himself to and from school so I don’t get to see any of his friends parents.
Thanks for your kind message xo
Aww Jo, I wish I could give you a big hug, why don’t you jump on a plane to Denmark? ;o) I don’t know how you lost your friends but I know it is a cliche but if they weren’t there for you through thick and thin then they were not true friends at the end of the day. I do feel for you because I was let down by a very good friend once, we made up but our relationship has never been the same, she hurt me more than any man ever could X
If I could chick, I’d be there like a shot :D
I’m so sorry to read that you were let down by a friend, when something happens that hurts you, that friendship will never be the same again and that’s how I feel now. Though I miss my friends terribly, I know we can never be friends again as there has been too much hurt.
Thank you for your support xo
Don’t apologise for your depressing post, it’s really honest and brave to come out and say what you’re really feeling! I have the same feeling about friends, I live somewhere where I moved for my job and don’t have any close girly friends at all. Ok I’ve got my husband, but it’s not the same thing at all. If you fancy meeting up sometime that I’m in the midlands too.
Heather, thank you so much for your kindness :) I love my husband and we do socialise but there are some things you just can’t do or chat about with a husband.
I didn’t realise you were in the Midlands, am going to drop you an email xo
Email sent :)
{{{hugs}}} to you Jo.
I can empathise on all levels here, as you know I’ve not been well for the last couple of weeks and that has left me feeling very teary on occasion as I just haven’t felt even the faintest spark of improvement. I know how wearing it’s been to feel unwell and the knock on effect it’s had to my emotions.
In respect of the health thing: make sure you’ve documented fully each and every time you’ve been ill and for how long so that the consultant can see exactly the extent of the problem and how debilitating it’s making you feel.
do you have any follow up appts with the gynae following your op? clearly something further needs doing in respect of that.
re the friends…
5 years ago I lost 2 of my very best friends when they decided to pull the plug on our respective friendships. I felt as though my heart had been ripped out and, even now, 5 years down the line, it still hurts. The frustrating thing for me is not knowing ‘why’. I’ve tried to mend bridges but had the door slammed in my face each time so…. no more. I’m worth much more than that. It’s their loss.
And I too have nobody that I can just ring up and blub down the phone to which does sadden me, but I think is reflective of the modern day way of communicating – text messages and emails seem to be the modern way of keeping in touch. Life is lived at such a hectic pace!
That’s what I keep telling myself anyhow and I have to admit also that I do miss the closeness of a female friend.
I don’t have any magic answers for you mate, I wish I did, but what I can say is that you are a special lady so don’t go thinking you’re not worth it, cos you are xx
Hey lovely, first of all thank you so much for your lovely message and for texting me – I so appreciate it <3
I have spoken to the Gynae's secretary and she is going to send me a review appointment in the next few weeks so that is something positive :)
I'm so sad to read about you (and so many others) losing your friendships – it's really heartbreaking and the hurt lasts a long time. It's even harder that they didn't give you the answers that you wanted.
You're a very special lady yourself and I hope we get to meet up this year.
xo
Remember not so long ago, when I said to ya, ‘To the world you may be one person, but to one person you are the world’?
Think it’s one of those days you need to hear it. Its crazy to hear you say you sort of depend on what other people think of you, and you feel like you’ve been rejected. Look at what you’ve done and become over the last 2 years. Irrespective of anything that you think is negative, from the hills you’ve overcome and stayed on since then, to me, you really are amazing.
Honestly, if you crashed into my car and burned my house down I’d still think your great. :) I look up to you you know. I check your blog every single day! I know you said your healths been getting you down lately, but your such a battler (is that even a word?) you’ve just fought your way through everything and your still standing. Get that Jo back out! It’s ok to feel like the whole world is against you sometimes, thats life. If everyday was sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.. there’d be no fun! Stuff like this is how we learn about and from ourselves.
annd I’ve never seen such dedication and discipline before in anyone. Mucho respecto for that :)
I don’t really know what to say about the friends thing. I’m the type of person who hates depending on anyone for anything, because people can so easily let you down. But when your whole environment changes you just gotta adjust. I suppose all you can really do is just accept that for now you don’t have close friends for a girly chat and coffee, and your on your own and ya gotta be a tough cookie. At the end of it all, you’ll smile and say I got through it on my own :)
Re the health, just accept that you’ve got a cold for a while, its not getting better, so just be super patient. Is there anything else you can do? No. Is getting down about it helping/getting rid of it/making you feel better? No. Does eating 10 burgers a day help ya lose weight? No. Just like you don’t eat crap food, don’t be thinkin crap thoughts.. both are bad for the body/mind!
And the girly totm, just adjust! Check yourself every four hours and just make it a monthly routine. You can’t change it, so you gotta change how you deal with it is all, no biggie.
And i’ll leave you with another of my fav quotes:
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference.”
Chin up Jo! I’ll be reading :)
Rach, I do remember you saying that to me and I had totally forgotten it. I’m going to add that to my inspiration board so that I see it every day. Thank you!
Your kind words made me cry, I am overwhelmed that you would think of me in that way – it’s so amazing!
I’m being pro-active about the friends thing. A lovely reader said she lives close by so I am going to arrange to meet up with her and a friend got in touch via facebook who doesn’t live too far away and we are meeting up for coffee and a chat soon. I’m not going to sit around wishing I had friends and not make an effort at making some.
Your straight talking has really given me a boost and I thank you for it. You’re right – I can’t do anything about my poor health at the moment so I do just have to accept it and wait until I get better. I won’t be eating crap food or 10 burgers though ;) lol.
With the girly stuff, I check regularly – unfortunately, in the first day or two, it’s within half an hour of changing most times and it does catch me unaware. I’ve got a review appointment coming through with the gynae though so hopefully, something can be done.
And I love the quote – I will also be printing that out and keeping it close.
You’re fucking awesome Rach, and I really appreciate you. Thanks :)
xo
Remember not so long ago, when I said to ya, ‘To the world you may be one person, but to one person you are the world’?
Think it’s one of those days/weeks/months you need to hear it. Its crazy to hear you say you sort of depend on what other people think of you, and you feel like you’ve been rejected. Look at what you’ve done and become over the last 2 years. Irrespective of anything that you think is negative, from the hills you’ve overcome and stayed on since then, to me, you really are amazing.
Honestly, if you crashed into my car and burned my house down I’d still think your great. :) I look up to you you know. I check your blog every single day! I know you said your healths been getting you down lately, but your such a battler (is that even a word?) you’ve just fought your way through everything and your still standing. Get that Jo back out! It’s ok to feel like the whole world is against you sometimes, thats life. If everyday was sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.. there’d be no fun! Stuff like this is how we learn about and from ourselves. annd I’ve never seen such dedication and discipline before in anyone. Mucho respecto for that :)
I don’t really know what to say about the friends thing. I’m the type of person who hates depending on anyone for anything, because people can so easily let you down. But when your whole environment changes you just gotta adjust. I suppose all you can really do is just accept that for now you don’t have close friends for a girly chat and coffee, and your on your own and ya gotta be a tough cookie. At the end of it all, you’ll smile and say I got through it on my own :)
Re the health, just accept that you’ve got a cold for a while, its not getting better, so just be super patient. Is there anything else you can do? No. Is getting down about it helping/getting rid of it/making you feel better? No. Does eating 10 burgers a day help ya lose weight? No. Just like you don’t eat crap food, don’t be thinkin crap thoughts.. both are bad for the body/mind!
And the girly totm, just adjust! Check yourself every four hours and just make it a monthly routine. You can’t change it, so you gotta change how you deal with it is all, no biggie. And i’ll leave you with another of my fav quotes:
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Chin up Jo! I’ll be reading :)
Oh Jo! First I want to give you a big hug!
There is no magic recipe for this. And if you ever found it pls do tell me :)
What I would say is just be kind to yourself. You are a wonderful person and just by seeing all the people that follow your blog says enough…
Losing a best friend in whatever way is always a hard thing. And it is totally understandable that you feel the way you do. But on the other hand remember that there are plenty of people who just want the best for you. Just by seeing all the people that follow your blog says enough about me :)
Just don’t be too harsh on yourself! You are a fabulous person and there have been often times that I wished you lived closer…
Big hug,
Carolinexxxx
Thank you chick, hugs gratefully received. Your message is so lovely and kind, I really appreciate it. I’m so utterly overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness, I truely never expected it. It makes me feel so blessed that I have so many people that think such nice things about me and it far outweighs the bad thoughts of a few ex friends :)
Thank you so much xo
I can relate to how you are feeling – I went through a torrid time with bleeding for 3 -4 weeks & then a couple of days off before starting again I had to keep a clean set of pants, tights & trousers at the office just in case. It made me miserable and went on for about 18 months. I just felt so tired & unclean all the time. Thankfully for me getting my implant removed & going onto the pill sorted me out. So that on top of feeling unwell and all the stuff with your poor dad – no wonder you feel like this. It’s better to let it out too rather than bottle it up. I wish I lived closer to you so I could lend you a shoulder or an ear. You do need a good girly night out – I really hope you make it to see Tara & Dolly Bird.
Twee as it sounds you are an amazing, strong & beautiful woman who has achieved loads that many only dream of – so try not to beat yourself up. Hope you feel better soon
Big Hugs xxxxx
Oh mate, I had no idea you suffered so badly too :( I wish I could take the pill – sadly, I suffer with migraines so my GP won’t prescribe it to me as it puts me at a very high risk of having a stroke – not something I want at the age of 32!
I wish you lived closer too – it would be so awesome to meet up and have a good old girly chat. I won’t be able to go and see Tara & Dolly next week sadly but I hope to see them at the Body Power Expo in either March or May :)
Your support really means the world to me, thank you from the bottom of my heart xo
Jo it is awful to know that you are feeling so low, I see you every day and you have hidden it very well. Those people you call your “friends” are not worth your time thinking about them, they are friends to no one but themselves as they are very shallow people. You are a wonderful person and through your blog you have helped so many people, and I am sure if they were lucky enough to meet you they would love you just as much as I do.
Keep your chin up, get your health sorted and then think about getting yourself back on track, then I am sure things will start to turn around for you again. You are truly wonderful person who has so many strengths, and may I say that although I see you everyday, I love reading your blog and miss it so much when you have a few days off. Jo, please remember that although I am your mom, I am here for you for absolutely anything in the world and always will be. Love you so much and feel privileged that you are one of my children. All the love in the world, mom xxxx
Jo I have nothing to add to what has already been said above other than to say that you are a wonderful, couragious, funny, kind and thoughtful person who inspires many, myself included – I wish you could love yourself as much as we all do! And Mom, what a lovely person you are too, it’s obviously in the genes :-) Big hugs Jo, be kind to yourself YOU ARE AMAZING!!! I hope and pray you get your health problems sorted soon. Bloggy love, Sue xx
What a lovely message Sue – thank you so much. My mum really is amazing and I have her to thank for making me the person that I am.
Thank you for your support, it means so much xo
My beautiful, supportive mum. Thank you for everything you do for me and for always being there. I probably don’t tell you enough how much I appreciate you and how much I love you but I can promise you, I think it every single day. I’m the person you helped me to be and I am eternally grateful to you.
I love you all the world and feel equally privileged to have such an amazing mum. xxxxxxx
Oh sweetness your emotions are raw, you wear your heart on your sleeve and this is not a bad thing, its a real & true person who can do this. HEalth problems, I second the documenting of illness and make appointments and MAKE someone listen to you.
Friends, it makes me sad … 20 odd years ago my best friend in the world decided a lie she had been fed was the truth and wanted nothing more to do with me, I was DEVASTATED, it’s only now do we communicate via facebook occasionally but its not the same, too much water. And my closest best friend (in heart & distance) just buggered off to Australia and if I want a cuppa and a cry I can’t even do it at home because hubby is at home all day (we work from home together).
I have a hugs and virtual cuppa here for you
laraxx
ps the secret is worth a listen
Lara, thanks so much chick. I do wear my heart on my sleeve and though I often wish I didn’t lol, that’s just the way I am.
I’m so sorry you have lost friends too, it really does hurt. At times I wish I could be like a guy and not care about friendships but then I realise that I don’t really mean it – friends are so important to me and I’m blessed to have so many wonderful friends out there. I am going to focus my energy on the friends I still have and not the ones I lost.
Hugs and virtual cuppa grateful received, thank you xo
forgot to second that motion for reading the secret. Well third the motion now!!
Cheers lovely, it is on my wish list to buy at the end of the month :)
I agree with Maria that it can be really hard to make friends as an adult. Likewise, it is really difficult to lose old, lasting friendships that you thought were there for life. You have an awful lot of support here and elsewhere, but I know sometimes we need someone to just bum about with in a coffee shop. Can you at least pick up to phone to someone?
And without going into details, is there any chance that you can reach out to these old friends? Sometimes people are too scared to say they’re sorry. Maybe if you take the first step, you might find they feel the same way as you do?
A xx
Hey Alison, thanks for your lovely message chick. Sadly, I’m not too good on the phone which is weird as I work in a job that requires me to use the phone a lot! It’s not all the time but often, if I have to speak on the phone it makes me feel so anxious, I just can’t wait to get off. I don’t know what causes it as sometimes I’m absolutely fine – weird huh?
I really can’t reach out to my old friends. There is too much hurt and though I miss them terribly, it will NEVER be the same so it’s best to let it go.
Thanks for being so supportive, always – I really appreciate it though I don’t say it often enough.
xxx
Oh my, sorry to hear you’re feeling so poorly! Whenever I’m sick I feel so down, even crying sometimes out of frustration.
There are a few things that can cheer me up in those situations, though, like calling a friend (or family member), taking a hot bubble bath, going to bed early and reading a good book, treating myself with a gift (just bought a new notebook! EEK!), even talking to my guy (not always working, there are things he just doesn’t understand). Find something that makes you feel good, take the time, and do it!
I can totally relate, loosing friends is so sad. About two year ago I had to leave my home town and move to a tiny village. I’m still stuck here and I miss my old home and my friends more than I can say. We’re still trying to stay in contact, but it’s hard because of the distance, so we just get to see each other about once a month. I really don’t like this village, it’s so boring here, so I plan to move back (or at least closer) to my old home town, as soon as we can afford it. But that won’t happen soon, I’m afraid.
Take care!
Thanks Sue for such a lovely message. Reading a book, taking a bath or training are the things that always make me feel better. As I can’t train, I’ve been taking long soaks and reading my favourite book that I always turn to when I feel down :D
I’m sorry to read about your situation, it’s must be so hard for you :( Keeping in touch, even with all the modern day technology such as texting, emailing, networking sites such as facebook and twitter – they are great but sometimes it’s just not a good enough substitute for meeting up and chatting in person.
Thanks for being supportive xo
So sorry you’re feeling down. My friend has had a cold for well over a month, think it’s just one of those things going around that lingers and lingers – it will pass eventually. As for the periods… been there, done that… have you tried Agnus Castus? It did help me, might be worth a shot. And have you tried a mooncup? They’re really great for heavy periods as you don’t need to change them as much as other sanitary protection. Naproxen is good for the pain (from the Doctor not the chemist). My friend has a coil fitted that releases hormones that has really helped her periods. As for the friend thing… caring what other people think of you may be about you not feeling too good about yourself… there are plenty of other people who care about you, the one’s who don’t, well that’s up to them, nothing to do with who you are. Take care of yourself. xx
Hi Barbara, thank you so much. I’ve not tried Agnus Castus but I will give it a try – am willing to try anything at the moment. I really should get a mooncup – it’s something I’ve wanted to get for YEARS and have never done so, but I will get one next time I’m in town. Sadly, I can’t take Naproxen or any other kind of anti-inflammatories as I suffer with bad reflux and they bring on an attack :(
You’re right that there are a lot of people that care and it makes me feel bad that I wasted so much energy caring about those that don’t and will promise to focus my energy on the people that do care from now on :)
Thanks for your support xo
Hi Jo
Sending you a great big hug, I know EXACTLY how you feel.
Since I sold my house and moved away, I have lost my best friend, even though I’m only 4 miles up the road instead of round the corner. When I originally sold up, the house we were moving into fell through when my partners’ buyer pulled out of buying his flat and my house had exchanged contracts, so I ended up living in Brierley Hill for 5 months, and they were the lonliest of my life. In the whole time I lived there, we had only 1 visitor, my daughter. I didn’t know anyone, my partner works shifts, and I didn’t know the area, I felt I’d sold my house and given away my furniture for nothing and I got quite depressed. Even now that I have moved back to Walsall, my best friend has only been to my house once (because it was my birthday) and I haven’t had a phone call off her since 2009, despite me calling her. I didn’t get a reply to the last text I sent so now I’ve stopped. I’ve had to come to terms that a friendship that started at 11 years old has come to an end. Oh we’d speak if we saw each other, but that closeness has somehow disappeared, and I doubt it could ever be the same again. And it hurts. But I cherish what we had, we had some fine times and some good laughs and I’d have done anything for her (still would probably). But if I fancied a cuppa and a chat….there is no-one.
You have a lot of friends on here, and you are well loved and respected Jo, but I know how you feel hun so big hugs xxx Lovely post by your mom xxx
Hey Jules, I’m so sad to read about you losing your friend too. I know we grow apart from friendships but you would hope that those friendships that have been around since childhood would stick :(
You do have someone if you fancy a cuppa and a chat – since you posted this, we have arranged to meet up for a girly afternoon of shopping and lunch and I really can’t wait :)
Thanks for always being so supportive and I agree, the message from my mum was beautiful
xxx
Hiya Jo.
Really sorry you’re feeling down. Can’t help with the monthlies – not a subject that scares me! – just one I have no direct experience of.
When you’re ill for weeks it does slowly wear you down emotionally, especially if its stopping you doing things as well as you’d wish or at all.
Its also a ‘low’ time of year. The days are still short, the weather generally gloomy, the ‘high’ of Christmas is long gone and the warm days of summer seem a very long way off. All of these also chip away at our emotional well being.
I can’t offer any magic answers or ideas but keep looking after yourself and the cold will go, the days will get brighter and longer, and you’ll start to feel much, much better. Just hang tough!
Thanks Rob for your lovely message. I think the combination of being ill, being broke, losing my nan (and saying goodbye to her on Wednesday), thinking about my friends and being hormonal just got on top of me – you just have to let these things out I guess.
Your support really means a lot, so a huge thanks to you :)
xx
Hi Jo, sorry to hear you are feeling low, it really is awful when you feel you can`t get a hold on the emotions. Something that has helped me is meditation and living in the present moment – it is something that is all quite new to me but it helps me to feel more grounded. If you need to know more feel free to contact me on WLR or email. As for feeling poorly I can very well relate to that I have been feeling poorly since new years eve and it is really fustrating but I think the best thing it to continue to eat well but maybe lay off the exercise for a bit – I have been finding that when I force myself to try and do something I feel rubbish afterwards and it seems to prolong it – yesterday I made myself stop everything just for the afternoon and started feeling better – today I feel more human. I think our bodies need rest to build energy again.
Take care hun, thinking of you.
PS – Your blog is the best, it gives me so much motivation and information – thank you.
Bex xxxxx
Hey Bex, thank you so much. I actually used to meditate quite a bit but haven’t done it in so long. I think maybe it’s time to start back up again.
I’m off exercise entirely now until I am 100% fit and healthy. Putting more strain on my body, especially with a progressive strength training programme, will only make it worse.
Thank you for supporting me and my blog, it really does mean a lot to me <3
xx
Hi Jo,
I’m one of your lurkers but I have been moved to de-lurk by the thought that one of my favourite bloggers is feeling so down. I can’t really add to anything that other people have said except to say that I also feel like I don’t have someone I could just call and dump on. Like you, I have friends but everyone is always booked out weeks in advance or lives so far away. I just wanted to say let you know that you are an amazing and inspirational writer and I started working out and eating better in January 2010 because of your blog. It was like fate really, I was just stumbling around the internet looking for inspiration to get off my butt and your blog was what did it. I started off reading your archived posts and since coming up to date I’ve read your blog regularly. You have had a rough few months and top that with your awful totm and the fact that its awful and miserable outside, well it’s no wonder you’re feeling down. If you’re even in the East London area, feel free to stop by mine for a cup of tea and a girly chat.
Elle x
Hi Elle, thank you so much for de-lurking to post such a lovely message to me. To know that I have inspired you to become healthier is amazing to me – I’m so glad I’ve been able to help you.
I love London and try and visit often so next time I’m in the area, I will be sure to let you know and we can arrange to meet up :) Obviously, if you’re ever in my neck of the woods (West Midlands) let me know :)
xxx
Hi Jo,
I’m one of your lurkers but I have been moved to de-lurk by the thought that one of my favourite bloggers is feeling so down. I can’t really add to anything that other people have said except to say that I also feel like I don’t have someone I could just call and dump on. Like you, I have friends but everyone is always booked out weeks in advance or lives so far away. I just wanted to say let you know that you are an amazing and inspirational writer and I started working out and eating better in January 2010 because of your blog. It was like fate really, I was just stumbling around the internet looking for inspiration to get off my butt and your blog was what did it. I started off reading your archived posts and since coming up to date I’ve read your blog regularly. You have had a rough few months and top that with your awful totm and the fact that its awful and miserable outside, well it’s no wonder you’re feeling down. If you’re even in the East London area, feel free to stop by mine for a cup of tea and a girly chat.
Elle x
*hugs*
My best friend and I parted ways nearly three years ago and I must have mourned for about three months; there’s just some things that your husband cannot replace!
Looking back I don’t know how I got through it (I got a LOT of nasty messages from her), I guess (like a relationship break) you just have to move on, find yourself and know you’re a better person (I too felt like a terrible person for months, like I was the one in the wrong).
As with everything in life, time heals. I’m sure everything else just compounded your feelings and I’m sure you’ll start feeling better about this stuff soon.
Also, I hope you start feeling better (healthwise) soon.
Thank you so much Alex, you’re right – though I adore my husband, there are some things that he can’t replace and girly chats is one of them.
I’ve also had some nastiness – I was told that one of my ex friends has been openly slagging me off on twitter and that hurts so much :( However I refuse to waste anymore energy on them and will focus my energy on the people that do care instead :)
Thanks for your support chick xx
I blame television for making people think that all women have BFFs who they call all the time to gossip with and go shopping with every weekend…
FWIW, I know how you feel about sometimes wanting there to be someone nearby I can just go for a coffee with and I know that I put that barrier in place myself sometimes where it doesn’t actually exist (I always feel like I might be imposing on someone else’s life rather than just bloody well asking and being OK with a “no” when it’s most likely going to be a “yes”).
“Seems I’m not alone in being alone. A hundred billion castaways looking for a home.”
Haha damn you sex and the city! The problem is mate, I’ve always had friends that I could do that with, until my friend moved away 18 months ago. Prior to that, I always had other friends that I could do it with and so it’s just something I’ve always had.
I’m making an effort to arrange to see friends this year and I hope that will include you :)
xx
Jo, I’ve been there. Losing a bestfriend is hard to get over. I’ve also had problems with selfworth and confidence in the past (still do to be honest).
Firstly, don’t you dare for a second think that you’re not worth being friends with. Myself, and all these other people, wouldn’t visit your blog on a daily basis if we didn’t think you were fantastic! You come across so lovely and so likeable in your blog – so in person you must be even more so!
Secondly, I know it can be hard to accept, but if someone didn’t make an effort to get through a bad period with you then you shouldn’t consider them your bestfriend. Best friends stick it out, even when we’re not so nice to each other for some stupid reason. Have you thought about going back to gym classes regularly? Does your new gym offer this? Or how about a running or cycle club nearby? Very social thing to do. I love going to gym classes, even if i’m not friends with the ladies, it’s nice to be surrounded by others who have similar interests in health. Also, the exercise and instructor will instantly lift your mood! It doesn’t have to be high impact if you don’t think you can handle it right now. What about something low impact like pilates or yoga?
Please please don’t think you’re alone or not worthy of being someone’s friend. You are so lovely and so supportive of others. You’re just going through a bad patch right now. I promise it will get better.
Take care xo.
ps. what area of england do u live in?
Hi Victoria, thank you for your lovely message. I live in the West Midlands, how about you?
I know you’re right about me feeling not worth being friends with. It’s only seeing all this amazing support from you all that I realise that I am worth it. I’ve wasted so much energy on the friends I don’t have that I didn’t realise the support and kindess that I do have :)
My new gym does some classes though not many. It’s something I’ll be taking part in though as I love the social aspect of fitness classes.
Thanks for your support, it means so much to me <3
xx
You know what I think. You’re a lovely, lovely person who is having a tough time. You ARE a good enough friend. I have known you longer than this blog has been around and I know that you are lovely. Whatever went on was either a misunderstanding, or something deeper was afoot. I have been on the wrong end of similar – someone in a group of “friends” decided she didn’t like me and did her level best to ostracise me from the group. She won. It makes me sad, but at the same time, it was a blessed relief because I don’t have to be her friend, I don’t have to associate with her and I don’t have to be nice to bite my tongue. I see one or two from that group occasionally but the dynamic is totally different now. And I am better than that. I occasionally feel angry about what has gone on but I would rather not be their friends than go through it time and time again.
As for your health, well, I would concentrate on trying to get better for now. If that means some of your fitness plans have to slide a bit, so be it. As your periods are still causing you grief, can you try and see the doc about it again and get a referral or some other medication to help with it? Anything to make it slightly better has go to help.
Take things one step at a time – that’s how you’ll overcome it.
Big hugs to you.
Thank you so much Kate – you are another friend that I really hope to meet up with this year.
I’m so sad to read about you being ostracised from your group of friends :( It’s obviously more common that I though!
I’m focussing my energy on getting well. Exercise is completely out until I am fully recovered. I have an appointment coming through to see the gynae again so hopefully, something can be sorted out there.
Thanks for your support, always
xxx
you have had so many replies and support. i cant think of anything to beat what they are all saying. i can say that your blog has been a great support for me and by the looks of it many many many people. just over this january i was really struggling with fitness, self worth and calorie intake. then i read your post about giving up alcohol. somethinge clicked. i stopped drinking monday-fri and its made such a huge difference. my food diary is filled and kept in line. more energy. and building confidance.
i dont know anyone who can inspire so many people in such a positive way. weight loss is an issue close to the hearts of many people and you have found a way to pierce through the dieting misinformation and offer some real advice.
i suppose it doesnt feel like it right now but i hope in time, and after reading all these posts you will grow to see how much we all care about you. you may not be able to call any of us up for a coffee but we can certainly send your cyber hugs!
love natasha x
Hi Natasha, I’m utterly overwhelmed at how much amazing support I have received – I feel totally blessed to have such a wonderful support system.
Your message is so lovely and to know that my blog has helped you really makes me proud. I have not stopped smiling all the while I have been reading everyone’s lovely comments and it makes me feel very lucky. It also makes me realise that I am wasting energy on people that don’t care when I should be focussing my energy on those that do. Another lesson learned :)
Thanks for your support, it means so much to me xxx
Hey Jo: just a heads up that I tagged you in a post to answer some questions :-)
Axx
Thanks girl, I will post later :D
xx
Hey Chick
As all the others have said similar things (all supportive and positive) I will just try to add something different!
Firstly I dont think many people truly beleive they dont care what others think – they just want people to think that in fact they are the ones that probably care the most – its human nature to want to be liked!
Secondly re the health etc you have been on a quest for so long now to improve your body, fitness etc you are often hard on yourself pushing yourself and always on to thr next thing then beating yourself up if you dont achieve it! You have been through operations, stuff with your dad, your relationship plus other stuff i dont know about with the friends etc so how about just taking it easy on yourself, relaxing more, doing something like yoga with relaxation bult in, swim, do something that brings your stress levels down! Just be you for a while!
It may sound a little strange as i know you are always wanting a challenge but maybe this challenge is to get you back to full health?
Wishing you love and hugs xxx
Sarah, thank you so much for your message. You’re right – there has been so much going on in my life with my health, operations, my injury, my nan passing away, and everything else – I guess it’s no wonder my body is acting up and saying “woah, can we de-stress a little here?” I’m totally resting from serious training until I am 100% fit – yoga and meditation will be all I’m doing now until my health is fully restored.
I will accept the challenge to get back to full health :D
Thanks for your support chick, you’re awesome!
xx
Xxxx
<3
Sorry to hear you were feeling so down, but I see from your latest post you’re feeling a bit more positive about things. You do come across as a strong person who has a lot of self belief, but I feel down more times that I can count so I know how rubbish it is :( And I know how utterly crap a persistent health problem is too! Hope things pick up for you soon xx
Thanks Becky, I’m feeling a lot more positive. Sometimes things get too much and you have to let it out.
xxx
Hello Jo,
I am late to your post but wanted to say that you are very brave to post about how you feel and looking at all these comments, you did the right thing. You have a support network right here.
Losing friends is tough, I have lost a few over the years and like you I could never go back. It hurts and the grieving takes a long time. However what I have appreciated even more through these losses are the friends who have stuck around, the ones who were there for me when my Mum died last year, the ones who have supported me through everything. They don’t live round the corner but I know they are there for me, always. I am 100% sure it is the same for you, you come across as such a lovely, engaging, kind and passionate person, anyone would lucky to be your friend.
I also hope your health improves soon, it can get worrying and be such a downer on your state of mind. You will get better.
Sending you a big hug.
xxxx
Hi Nathalie, thank you so much for your message.
I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful support network and I am so happy to be part of this amazing blogging community.
Losing friends is soul destroying, particularly when it’s not a decision you’ve made yourself – it’s hard not to feel rejected and the grieving process is considerable. It’s been 8 months for me and I’m not really that much further forward than I was last year. Many a long run last year training for my half marathon was spent with me sobbing as I ran lol.
I am very sorry to read that you lost your mum last year, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that must be for you.
The big hug is so appreciated and reciprocated, you’re lovely.
xxxx
[...] are going to do some shopping and have some lunch. I decided to get pro-active after writing my Friends post – I got so much amazing support from everyone and I felt so blessed and it made me realise [...]